Whether Single or in a Relationship, True Love Can Be Yours | The ...

Valentines Day is just around the corner.??Whatever meaning you attach to it?and whatever feelings it brings up (affection, romance, sadness or ambivalence) I?d like to take the opportunity to explore love as it exists or has existed in your life.? Being human, we are born wired to connect with others.? We seek a secure attachment with or parents or primary caregivers ? and as adults we have the same innate desire for safety and connection.? But there are many things that can block us from that.?

If you are single and feel lonely as Valentines Day?approaches, remember that just being in a relationship isn?t necessarily the fix.? As a couples therapist, I?ve seen first hand many marriages and relationships where one or both partners feel lonely ? within the relationship.? As desired a thing as love is, it is blocked for many.? They struggle to give or receive and there are many reasons behind this,?unique to each individual.???

Whatever your relationship status, contemplate the following statements.? Do any of them apply to you?

• I?m single and I can?t seem to sustain my relationships.
• I?m in a relationship and though my partner is nothing but loving towards me, I can?t seem to trust him/her.
• I?m single and keep getting into the same relationship patterns that leave me hurt ? or I do the hurting.
• I?m in a relationship and my emotional reactivity is damaging to me and us.
• I?m single and have been hurt so many times I think it might be better to be alone.
• I?m in a relationship and constantly fear my partner will leave.

Believe it or not, your brain was wired for relationships as early as two years old in how you were taken care of by your mother or primary caregiver.? Your quality of attachment then has a lot to do with how you ?do? relationships as an adult.? Sound hard to believe?? Well it?s true.? The latest research in neuroscience, attachment and relationships has demonstrated that your adult intimate relationships?activate a ?similar need for emotional safety.? The neurological connections formed during your earliest, formative years can actually?fuel?your reactions in your intimate relationships later.? These?reactions that may have?served you well as protection?in a less than optimal emotional?environment (and for some physically challenging environment), they likely no longer serve you.?

For the many of us who did not have secure attachments growing up and perhaps have struggled with love and intimate relationships later in life, there is good news:

You can rewire your brain for better relationships.

Dr. Marsha Lucas, psychologist and neuropsychologist has just released her new book, Rewire Your Brain for Love?that brings together the latest in neuroscience and mindfulness meditation in a guide to help you, whether single and struggling to find love or in a relationship that is not fulfilling, find healthier and more satisfying relationships.? She skillfully makes her way through ?brain speak? (which I have previously found a struggle to wrap my own head around, and I?m a trained therapist!) in a relatable way, infused with her chuckle-inducing humor and?essential education.? When I read her book I closed it and thought,

?This is it.??This book?provides a?bridge from the research and jargon of neuroscience, attachment, mindfulness and relationships ? to the general public.?

Rewire Your Brain for Love? is a must-have for anyone wanting to improve their emotional and relationship health.? At the very least, incorporating a mindfulness practice into your life can decrease your emotional reactivity by calming your nervous system.? Over time and practice, the alarms in your mind sound less frequently and a more peaceful existence can ensue.? Dr. Lucas has skillfully demonstrated how this also can improve your relationships.

I have personally brought a mindfulness practice into my life ? and into my psychotherapy practice.? I have seen?overwhelmingly positive results in myself and?many of my clients.??I?am recommending Rewire Your Brain for Love??in my individual and couples therapy practice?as part of our work, to help?my clients?understand?how it all came to be and how it can change by developing the skills to ?become your own master electrician? to improve your body regulation, fear modulation, emotional resilience, response flexibility, insight and empathy.?

Though a book could never be the ??be-all-end-all? and guarantee your relationship dreams come true, it can surely provide you with guideposts and tools to give yourself a great starting point.? This one packs a powerful, reseach backed punch.? Don?t miss it.

• Twitter Book Giveaway?> Copy and re-tweet the following to be entered in a drawing for one hard copy of Rewire Your Brain for Love:? Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness by Dr. Marsha Lucas, PhD.? Winner announced on Valentines Day via Twitter @LisaKiftTherapy

Whether Single or in a Relationship, True Love Can Be Yours http://bit.ly/zNQwzV RT 2 enter giveaway, Rewire UR Brain 4 Luv

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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT?is the creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com, with tools for marriage, relationship and emotional health.? She is the?creator of the?Therapy-At-Home Workbooks??line ? ?a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided?alternative to counseling for?some individual and relationship issues, sold worldwide.

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Tagged as: love, mindfulness and relationships, neuroscience and relationships, relationship, relationship health, single

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